ATTENTION! (The Sequel) 

Here’s a funfact : Worship uplifts you. Fellowship strengthens you.  (Ideally,  the sweet fellowship of the Holy Spirit) 

9.30pm.

In the night,  (there is a perfect crescent moon in the navy blue sky.  No stars. Just the moon. Not centrally placed. Awkwardly positioned where a shared side-plate would be at a formal dinner table) I pick out a home from not too far.  There’s lights.  

We’ve maintained Sonko’s mansion to our general left.  We can’t be too lost.  “Should this house be the one we’re looking for, with a water tank outside, I’ll cry” I think to myself. (About a month ago when we came for the reconnaissance,  said house was only about 15minutes from camp.) 

I keep up pace. I’m singing psalms and lifting the King.  I’m enjoying a wonderful fellowship with the Holy Spirit.  I continue repenting for many things that He convicts me on.  Let me bare myself here,  for me, today,  it’s mostly omissions.  Not what I do,  but what I do not do,  that I know I ought  to.  Passivity. Not speaking out. Refusing to defend His cause. We go from Not reading scripture when and how I ought to,  to refusing to reach out,  regardless of who is at fault.  

I’m reminded of James 4:17 [NLT] , “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”

📷 : Pawel


There are no words in any human language that can explain  the joy I felt just seeing that black water tank. Positioned right next to the perimeter fence.  I couldn’t even cry.  This joy transcended that.  Here’s what got me,  in that moment. We had not arrived yet. We still had some ground to cover. My back was in more pain than I have ever felt before. But that didn’t matter. Because that water tank in that lone homestead,  gave this hope that,  we’re almost there. That soon, there’s rest.  Soon,  it’s all going to be over.  A shower to soothe my back. And food, to  soothe my stomach. Hehe. And I began to repent some more,  for ignoring the ultimate hope of all things… Jesus Christ.   

Colossians 1:27b[NKjV] “…which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.”
To think how many times I act hopeless. Speak hopeless. Think hopeless.  Just because I’m between a rock and 2 hard places. Because time has ran out. Deadlines have passed. Resources are  unavailable. Et cetera.  I forget that Christ is in me.  Yoooh.  CHRIST JESUS IS IN ME!  And that should excite me. Fill me with gladness.  Fuel me for a lifetime! Set me in places  above  Kings. This is not just a man from Galilee. The carpenter of Nazareth. This is The Christ! The Boss! The King. And He Is In Me! 

I realise that after all is said and done, and more has been said, than done,  my life is in the state it’s in because of such apathy! That the King resides in me and my reaction to that is, . .. Yaay! Or,  Oh joy! 😑. Such lack of interest! Such rudeness!  Such dark response to light and life! 

If the black water tank could speak to my entire being,  easing up even my back, the King of the universe in me should cause me to evolve all together. Because, He is fully committed to my wellbeing, and I think that’s  ok? That’s nice? Nooo.  That is unimaginably out of this world! WHOOOA! 🙌. 

10pm.

We stumble right into the camp’s gate.  It honestly takes me by surprise. It’s almost too soon! It was unexpected! Even the kids do not realise at first  that we’re here. But we are. Albeit 12hrs later! Glory to God! 🙌. 

The crys for joy! The victory dances. The songs of adoration.  Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. 😅

As I throw myself onto a verandah, watching the kids pitch their tents ahead of dinner,  I am grateful for the lessons.  I have this awkwardness plastered on my face.  My heart is warm.  My back is hurt. My life feels put together. I recline against the wall and take it all in.  

Then The Master, gently, softly, says,  “It is sad that it takes me all that to get your attention”.  

The stinging, affection-infused words of a lover. 

I mull over those words.  I pull them apart in my mind. I taste them separately in my mouth.. And then together.  

“What, Bryan, must the King do to get your attention? Because,  He will” I follow up to myself.  
*** The End***

ATTENTION! 

I. Have. Been. Swamped! 😴 

If we are friends… This has most probably been my reply everytime you ask how I am.  This. Or beat. Or just plain ol’ tired. And it’s true. You know when you have so much to do, and everything is important, you just can’t cut anything off? When of all things,  the ones you can cut are those that are yours,  and the pain of not doing them is mostly unshared? For me,  I cut things such as phone time. Social media presence , and food. Lol. I take alot of time to 1. Decide what I want to eat (as a result, I always download a restaurant’s menu before I go), 2. To finish eating (good food is for having, not just eating).  These, ofcourse, take even longer if I’m making the food.  😅.  

I digress.  I even tried remedies for time management.  Forget timetables (I absolutely lack the willpower to adhere to these :'() Google ‘Eisenhower’s Important /urgent Principle ‘.  It worked.  To some point.  And then you become lenient, and everything, absolutely everything makes it into the 1st quadrant,”not urgent, important “.  You have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, have you? *sigh 

About a week ago,  I was sooo tired,  I got home,  and as the gate was being opened for me,  alas! I had fallen asleep, behind the wheel.😧  Ofcourse I didn’t hear the end of this for a long time after. My mom was my passenger. 😩. Here’s a funfact.  I do not doze off in meetings, or class, or services.  At all. It doesn’t matter how beat I am.  But when I get home.  It is my peeps that will suffer. No conversation whatsoever.  Then by and by,  it is my inner man.  Because I will only nibble  at The Word. Relegating studying scripture to obligatory, rather than intentional. Does anybody else find themselves here? No? Ok. Just me. 

 

📷 : Pawel

 ***

This past week, I was in Machakos. 5day camp.  On Wednesday,  we hike.

10.00am. It’s a long trail. A little under 45km,give or take. We have with us teens.  Between 13-15y/o. I’m with the boys, 17 in total, and 5 counsellors.  

By the time it’s  6pm,  we’ve covered just about half the trail.  I’m still energetic.  There’s 3 of us counsellors behind. 2 in the front, and one in the middle.  

8pm.We get into flatland.  No structure as far as the eye can see.  There’s zebra, gazelles, wildebeest and other small animals I can’t identify.  Word comes from the front,  there’s hyenas.  A couple of us spot them in the dark. We keep our flashlights on.  By this time,  my back is killing me.  My feet refuse to cooperate. Too tired to fear. Plus,  we have kids with us. Fear is an unaffordable luxury.  

Two things give me strength in this instance,  

1. Knowledge that we have a team in Nairobi praying until we arrive at camp. 

2. He who watches over Israel, neither sleeps, nor slumbers. 

We walk on.  Ofcourse the kids are scared beyond words. . . But we love that it’s working to our advantage. They’ve summoned up all their energy to walk like their lives depend on it. 😂

A few moments later, I am on the ground.Stepped right into a hole,  and fell flat.  Felt great to stretch my body out like that. 😂. As we continue to walk though,  around 9pm, we realise, we are so lost!  So the kids sprawl themselves on the thin dark struggling footpath with nary a care in the world,  and we hurdle up to brainstorm.  There’s Sonko’s huge mansion, whose lights in the night make it appear like a football stadium. That is our compass for the rest of the journey.  So long as it remains on our left,  we are on the right path. We even get google maps in the last moments of my dying phone battery. So we start on our way. 
“We will not rest again. It cannot be too far now, “we agree. 
Something happens, on this last leg.  I begin to focus on my finish. One of the lead counsellors has hurt their inner thigh muscles,  so I begin to walk on ahead of everyone to replace him in the front.  I begin to Worship.  I even bubble in tongues.  My back is in unimaginable pain.  But as I delve some more,  it fades into the background, the pain.  Only thing on my mind now,  is the finish. I’m too broken to worry about other things.  ‘The unbearable pain is not uncommon. The kids must feel it a thousand times over’, I think to myself.  ‘The fatigue is nothing new.  The older ones must be dying inside.’ 

I remember 1Cor 10:13… No trial has come to me,  that is uncommon to man.  And 1Pet 4:12, to not be surprised in suffering as if we were undergoing something strange.And 1Pet 5:9,that our brothers and sisters are going through whatever kind of suffering we are going through. All these go through my mind.  I begin to look at myself as part of something bigger than myself. I begin to repent for my ‘special’ complains. For every time I have thought, “God’s not being fair. Why me? Too much! Pick on someone else. Split the misery, Lord!” 

Everyone else,  is paces behind me… The lead,  is only arms length ahead of me.  

9.30pm. [Part One]